recently i'm...

My boy finally says "Mama" upon request

to the pond multiple times a day
In Awe Of: 
God's extravagance in our moving process - 
our house appraised for the exact amount of the offer we accepted!

Bo's little lips trying to blow dandelions. 
Dirty hands and feet from summertime fun. Weekend bonfires. 
Swooning Over: 
My reception upon returning from packing up our house in Michigan -
Bo laughing and smooching me over & over again.

Ordered Khaled Housseini's newest book And the Mountains Echoed
I like his other two better, but his writing never fails to tear at my heart.
Showers for my future sisterS-in-law! 

Casually Looking:
For a new house. We close on our house in Michigan on Tuesday.
Still feels surreal.
Frustrated By:
Bo is at a stage where he likes throwing tantrums.
Screaming and biting. Help please.

Doug is on a "man trip" to the Adirondacks this weekend.
We're all ready for him to come back.


mommy education

I decided I should do a more lighthearted Mother's Day post after the last one. 
Because I have this problem where I don't do well with serious situations.
I have to make jokes. So after a serious blog post, I needed a little humor.

Things I've Learned/Gained From 8 Months Of Motherhood

Health and Exercise:
- Catlike Reflexes: Catching a stream of hot poop barehanded at 2:30am.
Or, grabbing little hands covered with poop to prevent them getting all over the wall.
- Balance & Agility: Learning to complete multiple tasks with one hand while
hoisting a baby on the opposite hip.
- Personal Care: Wiping bath-time boogers before they run into a little mouth... with bare fingers.

Housekeeping Skills:
- Innovative Domestic Techniques: Scraping soggy Golden Grahams from the carpet with my fingernail.
- Organizational Methods: Rubber bands. Empty bottom shelves. Child-accessible pots and pans.

Culinary Prowess:
- Creativity and Experimentation: What will my son hate today that he loved yesterday?
- Refined Palate: ie getting used to lukewarm, constantly interrupted meals 

Personal Style:
- Unique Accessories: This season, I'm wearing drool, half-masticated Cheerios, snot,
and I-don't-know-what-that-is-or-how-long-it's-been-there.
- Unparalleled Flair: By which I do mean yoga pants and ponytail erryday. 

- Language Expansion: I know all basic colors in English, Spanish and French. Thank you, Baby Einstein.
- Memorization Skills: Learning through repetition of a variety of classic children's literature,
including, but not limited to Barnyard Dance, Mr. Brown Can Moo and Hippos Go Berserk.

Psychological Acumen
Analytic Ability: discerning the confusing emotional behavior of a toddler
- Conflict Distraction: Oh, you want to play with that glass/sharp/fragile/antique object?
Here look! Why not dump an entire container of canning lids on the floor instead?

And I'm running out of steam, but there are many other lessons I've learned over the past eight months.
So grateful for the sweet boy who teaches me these lessons and makes me a mama.


this mother's day

Last year on Mother's Day, I was a mother in my heart,
but no one knew that we had seen our son's sweet face yet.

So this will officially be my first Mother's Day! 
And while I am so excited and grateful that I get to partake, 
my mind has been flooded with all the implications of this day as it approaches.

Of course, I am grateful for my dear mother - 
this day especially gives me cause to reflect on that miracle of a woman. 
And this Mother's Day I think about all the new ways I appreciate my mom 
and understand her now that I have a son. I have been truly blessed by my mother, 
and there is no way I could ever begin to honor her or thank her or praise her in an adequate manner.

This Mother's Day I'm also thinking about myself as a mom. 
It's strange to think that I'm included in this day's celebration. I'm a MOM. 
I had all these ideas about what I would be like as a mom. Things I would do, things I wouldn't do... 
like, my blog certainly wouldn't become a mommy blog. Oops. 
I wouldn't talk in a goofy voice to my kid in public. Oops. 
I wouldn't have that child who screams in the middle of church - 
and certainly not in the middle of the Christmas Eve service! Oops.

I also thought I'd be more patient. I wouldn't have a short fuse with my children. I'd always be gentle. 
Oh, my lofty, grandiose vision of myself as mother. It makes me laugh. 
Being a mother has taught me more about humility and relying on God's grace than I could ever imagine. 
Every day I wake up and my first prayer is: 
God, give me patience and wisdom, especially as a mother and wife.

This Mother's Day, I'm thinking a lot about Bonsa's birthmother. 
I think about her a lot anyway. I'm heartbroken that we'll never know who she is. 
I'm confused about her decisions and wish I had better understanding of her circumstances. 
I wonder if she held her son. If she kissed his sweet lips. 
If she dreams about him. If her arms ache to hold him. 
If she's even alive. 
I know she must be incredibly beautiful to have created such an astonishing boy. 
There are days that I am angry at her. Days that I want to hug her and sob with her. 
I hope she has peace in her heart that her boy is alive and well. 
I think about the conversations that will take place in the future. 
The questions we will face. The questions we will be unable to answer.

This Mother's Day, I'm thinking a lot about children who don't have mothers to celebrate. 

This Mother's Day, I'm thinking about women who long to be celebrated as mothers. 
Who are unable to have biological children.
Who are waiting and waiting for their children to come home.
Who have lost children.
Who are single and whose hearts hurt for "the next step". 

This Mother's Day, I'm thanking God for the intricacies of life. 
The joys and sorrows and the way that both teach us about the Gospel. 
The pain and the beauty.