Some of my readers have complained about the absence of pictures
featuring your remarkable balancing acts.
Since we brought Bo home, you've taken to acting like we don't love you anymore -
especially when anyone is over and pays any attention to you.
You immediately shove your nose inappropriately where it doesn't belong
and stare at people with this pathetic, longing look in your eyes.
Like, "My owners don't love me anymore - thank you for petting my head."
Just because I threaten to send you "up north" or to "the farm",
and, okay, just because one time I told you I was "going to murder you",
(in my defense - can you stop barking when I'm trying to put the baby to sleep?!)
doesn't mean I don't love you anymore.
So, Zooey, I will try to resume torturing you via placing [mostly] inanimate objects on your skull.
Please take this as a token of my sometimes-tested-but-permanent love for you.
And I'm sorry that I exhibited such disappointment when you failed to balance Mr. Potato Head.