because I think, like everyone, a lot of times I want to look like I've got it all together.
I want to focus on my strengths. My achievements.
But I fall short so often.
So - real talk. Here are some confessions.
**EDIT: I am not looking for affirmation or for anyone to console me here. Just stating some facts.**
1. I compare myself to others... a LOT. And often jealous.
As much as I like to think that I'm confident, content and don't care what others think... it's not true. I think this is a big danger of blogging, which is why I have to take breaks so often. I really, really struggle with house and decor envy. I love this Teddy Roosevelt quote (props to Bailey for being the one I heard it from) that has helped me a little bit!
2. I dust like, 2 times a year.
And when I do dust, I usually cheat and just hit the spots that people will see.
3. Almost every night, there are dirty dishes in my sink... and often the counter as well.
I have to let a lot of things "soak" overnight.
4. I can be a pretty mean person.
I'm way too sarcastic. I'm impatient, especially with my husband. I make fun of people a lot.
I'm proud. I'm hard-headed. I like to be right.
I'm working on this.
5. I do not read my Bible often.
I know that this doesn't make me "less" of a Christian. But as someone who professes to love Christ and wants to desire God above all, my actions sure don't back that up a lot of the time.
6. I touch up almost every picture that I post of myself.
My skin has been horrible for the past couple years. I dread mirrors. Almost every picture of me that isn't instagram has been photoshopped to erase blemishes and make my skin more even.
7. I'm doing a terrible job using cloth diapers.
I use one or two every other day or so. Bo wets through them so quickly that it gets exhausting trying to keep up. I wanted to do cloth diapers to save money (and because, let's be honest, they're super cute). But, um, we're going through a LOT of disposable diapers.
8. I'm lazy.
I have a really cool old window frame that I put pictures in, and it would look so awesome hanging on the wall in our family room. The problem is, the window needs mounting hardware. Which isn't difficult. And should not have deterred me from hanging it for TWO YEARS. I'm constantly asking Doug to get stuff for me so I don't have to get up. I already fessed up about my dusting laziness.
9. I'm forgetful.
When we compiled all our adoption paperwork, I had to take two pieces of paper to Lansing to get them notarized at the state level. Lansing is an hour and a half drive. My dear friend Patti accompanied me... and when we got to the Secretary of State, I realized that I had brought all of our paperwork EXCEPT the two pieces of paper I needed. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I'd get to school in the morning and have to call Doug to have him bring me something I left.
10. I almost never make my bed.
Actually... the only times I make it are when I change the sheets.
Okay, I'm going to stop there for now.
I know these are pretty moderate confessions.
There are many more where these are coming from.
I am so thankful for friends and family who love me despite my many flaws.
And for the grace of Christ, which is the only reason I ever do anything right.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
I can relate on so many levels. Thank you for your honesty, Rachel.
ReplyDeleteSo, not that my opinion matters AT ALL. seriously. BUT I can tell you that I never thought that about your blog. Never thought you were projecting anything but the sweetness and awesomeness of God's goodness in your life. (Such as Bo!) Besides, who wants to read about everyone's skeletons all the time. It's good to be real and vulnerable sometimes too. I've recently had someone tell me something very similar. . . that they "want my life, I seem so happy and that my blog just makes my life seem so perfect." I know they mean't it in a loving and light hearted way but I told that person, they are right. #1 I am VERY happy. #2 My life is AWESOME. and #3 that's all possible because I have Jesus & a husband who acts like Him. I don't apologize for any of it. Neither should you. :) Okay...maybe I should some confessing of my own. lol hugs!!
ReplyDeleteSo I'm not the only one who doesn't make their bed, who only dusts 2x a year, who wants to be green but has a hard time getting there, who isn't as disciplined spiritually as I'd like, who soaks dishes way too long and compares myself to others? Whew....what a relief! You're absolutely normal :) And you've got the right things in place, the right priorities. That's what matters! Thanks for being honest
ReplyDeleteHi Rachel - so this is really, really weird for me to be leaving a comment, but I've been reading your blog for a couple of years (I came about it in a typical weirdo-blog-stalker way) and your post prompted me to finally "speak."
ReplyDeleteThank you for being honest with these 10 things. You may feel that they are "moderate confessions," but for me they hit a deep spot. I've gotten sucked into the blog world and reading about people's lives (including yours) and I've started to really wish that my life was different, that it was more like the women whose blogs I read. My life is great (a husband, 2 children, a new home), but it's so easy to get caught up in wanting what other people have because these small typed-out glimpses are so often much more appealing!
Anyway, thank you for this. Every single item you listed is something I can say "ditto" to (except the touched up pictures - I just don't put pictures up - ha!) and it feels so great to know that there are other people out there who still just aren't quite perfect yet.
And here are two confessions from me:
1. I apparently use quotation marks excessively.
2. I probably should have found a way to make this a private message to you...
This isn't meant to boost your ego, but this is your blog and you should feel free to write about whatever you like. If that means staying positive so your life appears perfect, so be it. I am a new follower and I love your blog just the way it is, and your I love your baby. Nobody's life is perfect and people are silly if they expect that from a blog they follow.
ReplyDeleteBut I do appreciate your honesty :) Thank you for sharing.
DeleteI love it! You're a great writer, and I look forward to reading your posts. I think I want to portray the perfect life too....ummm, yeah, it's so not perfect! And, hang in there with the cloth diapers! I was the same way, but now I'm in a routine, and it really does save money (although I do laundry every day, so maybe indirectly it saves money?!) Do you have extra liners to double up? Claire is a heavy wetter too, but at least her poop is sold now, so that helps too! :) Thanks for sharing this post!
ReplyDeleteVery interesting comment on your blog. I hadn't thought about it that way either. I just love hearing about your life and especially lately Bo. We are all in a growth process.
ReplyDeleteI love you. You're totally right about the whole blogging thing and people portraying only the "sunny side of life" as I like to think of it. It's your blog and you can put whatever you want on it. I tend to only do the positive b/c it's public and I don't want random people who I don't even know that read my blog reading too much into my personal business, you know? That being said, I do appreciate that you shared. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote - some I thought you were talking directly about me *sheepish grin*. I know you're not looking for affirmation but I love you so much. I think you're tops. You're a great person (maybe not a great duster, but who cares)! Now here are 10 confessions about your awesomeness:
ReplyDelete1. you are a great, loving mom and even though i've only seen you w/ bo once it made my heart so, so happy seeing you as a momma.
2. you are super funny and i love your sense of humor.
3. you're really smart.
4. you're a great host and make yummy foods and desserts when we visit.
5. you're good at sewing and making cute plaid pillows.
6. you are very thoughtful towards others.
7. you have good style and any hair cut looks great on you. and i like that you take chances w/ new cuts. you are super pretty.
8. you will soon by my neighbor and you'll be amazing at that too.
9. you send me fun surprise packages.
10. you are a great friend.
xoxo,
v
^ number 8 is the best!! :) such a sweet list V...and all true!
Deleteso i really liked this post - except i didn't like the reason that you had to write it. boo on that person for telling you that!
ReplyDeletei too write similar posts like this in my head, but barely have time to post the stuff i want to remember forever, let alone the "ugly" of my days. i think that most people's blogs are that - a place to share stories and photos of their favorite memories...and that is why we only see what looks like a "perfect" life. i could go on and on about this - i've "blogged" on it so much in my head! but i'll save it...and maybe someday get around to doing a similar post. :)
ahh - number 2&3...i always sigh in relief when others confess to also not being merry maids in their homes.
and the cloth diapers - me too! i was on a roll for a while and loved how cute they were. but i hate, hate how they smell! no matter how you clean them, or even how non-smelly they are when they are clean, as soon as they are peed on - it smells! {i am super sensitive to smells though}. and then levi entered this mushy poop stage {TMI} and i was like forgot it - i am spending all my free time scrubbing poop off diapers. and so they sit, not being used.
thanks for being real - i love you...and love reading about your "perfect" life! :)
This was cathartic. I read blogs and Facebook and feel woefully inadequate. But I DO make my bed every day. I came to this discipline late in life, but it's a good habit. Some days, it's the only accomplishment I have!
ReplyDeletedusting and bed-making never happens in this house. unless we wash sheets, which doesn't happen often enough according to my friend who is a nurse; and unless we are entertaining. soon bo can dust if you get him his own little swiffer-thingy.
ReplyDeleteThis is the most perfectly human blog I have ever read. And I thought you were perfect in every way....now I know exactly why Haley loves you so much :) Dust is furniture protective, making your bed every day is overrated and I used cloth diapers with every one of my children ( what else was there?) but confess to diaper service with the last one. Never use fabric softener....diapers absorb better without it....and he is one! he doesn't need cloth diapers ;)
ReplyDeleteWhat? Not perfect? How can you NOT be perfect; I thought you were your mother's daughter.
ReplyDeletelittle A soaks thru all the time also - heavy wetters - bah! i have found double stuffing to do the trick. the cb's come with 2 inserts per dipe, but i like doubling with hemp because it's a bit less bulky. also, he doesn't seem to leak through Flips as quickly, so you could try another type of diaper to see if something else works better. but if it's not for you, that's ok too!
ReplyDelete