feeling like a fifth of myself

When I still lived at home, I occasionally found myself wallowing in self-pity over the fact that I was sort of the oddball out with all my siblings. As soon as Ethan was old enough to roll a truck around, Robert realized that palling around with a bro was way better than being subjected to hours of "school" on the side porch with his big sister as teacher. Emily was born when I was 8 years old, which is a pretty substantial difference, and then 5 years later, Jayne was born. Emily & Jayne's close age has made them the best of friends as well, which left me to my own devices (i.e. singing Little Mermaid in my room and reading Janette Oke's tales of wild, romantic western Canada). 

However, as I've gotten older, I realize that my position as the oldest has allowed me to form unique relationships with each of my siblings, and I wouldn't trade my childhood for the world. In many ways, I feel a fierce, parental protectiveness over my little sisters, and I also worry for my brothers (especially their safety on various motorized vehicles...) the way I would imagine a mother might. I am in no way attempting to take credit (or responsibility!) for my younger siblings; I'm just saying that I think oldest children might have the tendency to feel more protective of our younger siblings. I've always felt sorry for only children - it seems like only children would just be bored silly all the time and missing out on a whole lot of fun. My siblings are such a huge source of joy in my life.

Which brings me to the way I'm feeling tonight...
The hardest part about living in Michigan is feeling like I'm missing out on my little siblings growing up. 

I feel like my brothers & sisters should all be the same age as when I originally left for college. Robert is still 15, Ethan is still 12, Emily is still 10 and Jayne is still 5. There's no way my baby sister is going into 6th grade. It's impossible that Em will be getting her driver's permit in a mere 9 months. Ethan - little ET is senior in high school? And Robert? He's almost 21? 

I guess I'm just feeling a little nostalgic & a tad bit homesick this evening...

1 comment:

  1. I hope you're able to be near your family soon...although, selfishly, I like that you're only an hour away. But I understand the big sister nostalgia. :)