your first day

Dear Bonsa,

Monday morning was your first day of nursery school. 
You've gone to Sunday School and "class" at the Bible study I attend, 
but something just seems so much more official about this. 
Maybe it's because it was the first time I've dropped you off with people I don't know 
and haven't stayed within a comfortable range in the same building.
 Sidenote: It is so hard to get a picture of you these days that isn't blurry. You're always moving & delighting in being silly.
You were so, SO excited about going to class. We went on a little tour last week, 
and when it was time to leave... well, let's just say you have had easier transitions. 
When we got home, we made a sticker countdown of the days left until you got to go back. 
The night before you started nursery school, your dad reminded me to take pictures. 
I laughed because, me? Forget pictures? But then he said, 
"I know he'll have first days of school every year, but this is the real first day of all those others." 
I tried to keep that in mind when I woke up the next morning. 
I wanted your first day of school to be memorable. 
We had set out your outfit the night before and made sure your little backpack was all set. 
I made a healthy egg breakfast for you. But somehow, in the mix of life with a toddler and an infant,
 the clock seemed to be working against us, and we ended up needing to rush. I got impatient and you cried.
We made it out the door and got to your school on time. Early, even. 
We walked in there together and my heart was pounding. 
Did the other moms know how inadequate I felt? How unprepared for this I was? 
How I was just pretending to know how this all works? 
We ventured down the hall and I met your two teachers. 
They showed you to your cubby and we hung up your coat and backpack. 
Then, you raced off to your classroom before I even had the chance to hug or smooch you goodbye. 
I watched your precious curls bouncing around the classroom and debated briefly calling you back 
to me for a hug... or just grabbing you and making you come home with me and play and stay little forever. 
But I smiled at the teacher, said, "Thank you - see you in a bit!" and turned around. 
I'm proud to say I made it to the car before the tears fell. 
Part of my emotion was because the morning hadn't gone as smoothly as I had hoped.
I didn't want to yell and make you cry on your first morning of school.
And part of the emotion was due to what this day signified - 
the beginning of your days in school away from me. 
The realization that there are now parts of your day to which I am not privy. 
Experiences that I will share only as you tell me about them. 
And part of my mama heart is jealous for all those moments. 
But I know this is the start of something that will be so good for you. 
Meeting new people. Making new friends. 
Learning how to operate in group settings. Learning to obey other adults.
And when I see your excitement about this process, it makes me excited for you. 
As sad as it is to realize how quickly you're growing up, it's amazing to watch. 
You're trying to figure life out. You have a big heart and big emotions.
You're independent and strong-willed and awesome.
I'm so grateful that the Lord has entrusted your sweet life to me and your daddy.
We are so proud of you and look forward to walking through this next chapter with you.
I love you forever,
your mama


  1. Thank you for putting into words what every mother feels when her baby goes out into the world for the first time without her.
    God bless you & your family.

  2. Oh, this is beautiful. Thank you for sharing about such a precious day. It is obvious that you are doing a wonderful job as Bo's mama. Keep up the good work!

    1. Thanks, Kelly! Far from a wonderful job, but we are learning together!

  3. Sniff. Sniff.

  4. Oh sweet Bo! And oh how bittersweet this day, and really all the days are, as they slowly move towards independence. And really such an experience with the firstborn as it's all a first for you too! I still think it feels surreal doing things like going to parent-teacher conferences, even after a few years of doing it...am I really old enough to be doing this, has it been this long already? (Until I walk past the mom about 10 years younger than me going in - gulp!) Glad he's enjoying it though - it does help to make it a little easier when they can't wait to go!
    (And I so get ya on the blurry moving pics. All.the.time. with Levi!!!)

    1. Oh gosh. Parent-Teacher conferences were super weird as a teacher - can't even imagine as a parent!!