romeo & juliet, take 2

My freshmen just finished reading Romeo & Juliet, and their writing assignment today was to devise an alternate ending which still exemplified one of the main themes. I told them they were allowed some creative license, as long as the main point was not lost.

Here's my favorite, composed by two 14-year old boys. Warning: kind of nonsensical & morbid, but still pretty funny.


Chorus: Romeo goes to see Juliet's tomb to kiss her soft, sweet lips, then poison himself. Crazy you say? Well it is, but Romeo has been turned mad by his love for Juliet, and her awful, horrible death.
(Enter Romeo in tomb)
Romeo: Oh Julie, how did it come to this? Why were you taken from me during my exile? I never even got to say goodbye to your ever-loving beauty. Oh why has this fate come upon me? I'm just a young laddie! I wish I could have spent more time with you, but the gods of misfortune have been toyin' and hatin' on my, so I must now end my everlasting suffering of life without you. I will now partake this chemical and it shall move in swiftness with my death.
(Romeo starts to drink)
Juliet: AAAAUGH! I'm alive!
(In the startlement, Romeo drops the potion on Juliet's innocent face.)
Romeo: NO! My fair lady is alive, and yet with your coming back to life, you scared me to death!
Juliet: My face! Romeo! My face is burning like the intensity of 1,000 white-hot suns!
Romeo: I know you're hot, but we can take care of that later.
Juliet: No! Not that! My face is melting!
Romeo: But you don't even like metal.
Juliet: NO! I'm dying, you nincompoop!
(Juliet then croaks)
Romeo: Oh, cruel fate! Thou has struck again! Why is this torment continuing to haunt me?! I can't even give you one last kiss because my sweet no longer has a face. But lo, I with my sword will smite myself.
Paris: Hold up, wait a minute! Put a little thought in this!
Romeo: No! I must kill myself for killing Juliet!
Paris: What! You killed my bride-to-be? I will kill you for that!
Romeo: Not if I do it first!
(They fight over the same sword)
Chorus: Among the fight, Romeo gets the sword and stabs himself. Seeing this, Paris is disgusted and starts to walk home to mom.
Juliet: Wait, the poison didn't really kill me! I just deformed my putrid face. Where art thou, Romeo!
(She sees him dead)
Juliet: No one loves me because I'm ugly!
Chorus: Juliet then becomes depressed and kills herself. That's fate for you.


  1. Hey Rachel, I don't know if we've ever met but I'm a friend of Kelly Nelson's...I adore your blog, and check for updates from her blogroll :)

  2. Haha... I thought of that when I started paying attention to it! Who'd have thought we'd become legitimate fans?