A New Era.

Many men are obsessed with them.
Many even have more than one at a time.
Those who have one spend most of their time daydreaming about it.

Thoughts out of the gutter - what I’m talking about here is a Fantasy Sport Team. There are Fantasy leagues for practically every sport. Football, basketball, soccer, baseball… who knows? I mean, there could be Fantasy golf leagues, rugby leagues… cricket? Curling? Ice skating? Now that’s something I could really get into. I just can’t even fathom the possibilities of this complex universe.

Doug has tried, on several occasions, to explain the logic behind this phenomenon, and I think I’ve finally formed my own explanation for the male fixation. Fantasy sport leagues give men an excuse to be even more obsessive about games, player stats, and rankings. Now, I’m not trying to insult any sports fans (I happen to be a pretty big one myself) or make anyone feel ridiculous for being involved with Fantasy sports. After all, my beloved husband has been involved with Fantasy Basketball in the past, and this year, he decided to venture into the realm that is Fantasy Football.

Last night was my husband’s Fantasy Football Draft. Prior to this, I had never seen one of these in progress, although I’d certainly heard about them. As I said, this is Doug’s first season with in the Fantasy Football League, and this will be his first basketball season without a Fantasy team. I’ll be sure to watch for those signs of dangerous withdrawal – the uncontrollable urge to run to a computer after a game to check his stats, obnoxious humming or plugging ears while others discuss the success of their own Fantasy basketball teams, tremors whenever signing into Yahoo!, and midnight mumbles along the lines of, “Must switch weekly players. Must check injured list.” Don’t worry, Doug, I’ll take care of you and help you through this.

But back to the draft. Wow! What an experience. All of this is done online, although members of a league sometimes all get together to increase the excitement. Each member of the league must have his (or her… I suppose I shouldn’t be gender exclusive here) own computer and Yahoo! login. There is a little “chat box” to update members on which player each member selects, and it also provides a venue for trash talking, such as “I can’t believe you picked that player over this player!” or “Haha, he’s on the injured list, idiot,” or “NO! I WAS GOING TO PICK HIM!” Now, this was fun for Doug, as the other league members were mostly friends from Spring Arbor that he hadn’t talked to or seen in awhile. All of the bickering and trash talking was good natured… or at least the stuff I saw before I abandoned the room for better entertainment (i.e. watching dust gather on our dresser).

However, once I withdrew to our bedroom, I started thinking, “Maybe these guys are onto something.” No, not Fantasy Football, Basketball, Water Polo, etc.

Allow me to introduce… the Fantasy Home & Garden League.

That’s right, ladies (um, and men. Again, that gender exclusiveness…). It’s time to unleash the competitive beast within you. Time to take Interior Decorating to a new level. Time to delve deeper into the realms of Landscaping, Entertaining, and Crafting. We could compare player stats (whose TV show has aired longer, who has published more cookbooks, who has more celebrity clients, etc). We could even trash talk!
“I can’t believe you picked Rachael Ray over Emeril!”
“Girl, you’d better hope Flip That House doesn’t get canceled!”
“Yeah right, as if Good Housekeeping sells better than Country Living!”
“I WAS GOING TO PICK MARIO BATALI!”

I think this could be big.

Here are my top 5 draft picks.


1.

Martha Stewart.
I know, I know… so typical. She’s like the LaDainian Tomlinson of the Home & Garden world. And while I think that she’s often overrated and over-idolized, I can’t deny her status as a Round 1 draft pick. She definitely deserves the best all-around status for her prowess in the areas of decorating, crafting, gardening, cooking, entertaining, etc. Her resources are unbelievable, and let’s be honest, the woman even made jail look good.

2.

Emeril Lagasse.
When it comes to chefs, it doesn’t get better than Emeril. He'd be our Babe Ruth, our Joe Montana, our Michael Jordan. He’s coined two of America’s favorite cooking phrases: “Kick it up a notch,” and “BAM!” I’d take him over Rachael Ray any day. And don’t even talk to me about that Barefoot Contessa. One word: hookworm. (I even looked it up on Wikipedia: “Prevent skin/soil contact: do not walk barefoot.”) He’s got experience, and he delivers results. A solid pick.

3.

Katie Klotzbach.
This is my sleeper pick for floral designers, gardeners and landscape artists. Katie remains relatively obscure in the Home & Garden scene, but given the chance, she’d really blossom. Granted, she’s only 22 and she lives in Lyndonville, NY, which isn’t exactly the hotspot for media, but her potential is unbelievable. I think a cameo on Landscapers’ Challenge would really solidify her status as a top draft pick.

4.

Amy Wynn Pastor.
Yeah, I didn't know who the heck she is either. I looked her up on the Trading Spaces website. But apparently she’s the only female carpenter on Trading Spaces and one of the only female carpenters on television. Major props for that. I think we’ll see big things from her in the future. If we’re watching Trading Spaces or Famous Female Carpenters.

5. This last player is very near and dear to my heart. Most people wouldn’t even draft her, say nothing about putting her in their Top 5. However, due to experience, I feel confident in the results we can expect from her. She has always delivered exceptionally, and I would expect nothing less this season. That’s why the fifth spot on my renowned Top 5 Draft Picks, 2007, goes to Christine L. Bannister.

That had better mean a lot, Mom.

Thank you to Wikipedia, for my player stats and facts.

Well, your opinions?
Thoughts?
Will the FHGL (Fantasy Home & Garden League) be a big hit?

I guess we’ll find out. See you at the draft… wenches.