this is the day that the lord has made

Three years ago today, I woke up with the Ethiopian sun.

It was hazy and gray - the type of morning that points to a day of sunshine and heat.

I lay under the blankets, butterflies dancing in my stomach, and smiled.

This is the day that the Lord has made...

  This was the morning we were to pick up our son.

64 days after first holding him in our arms...

Thousands of miles of ocean finally evaporated between us...

Reams of paperwork finally in order...

And now, only a few hours and a short car ride separated us.

Let us rejoice and be glad in it!

An excerpt from my journal from that morning:

My brain cannot comprehend that we are picking up Bo today - for good!

I mean, I understand that it's happening, but it doesn't seem real.

I have been waiting for this day for so long.

I think I keep expecting the worst, in my heart of hearts.

We've been cautioned and have heard so many stories of bad scenarios...

I think all of that is currently assailing me.

I know that God is in control. Father, calm my heart.

3 hours. 3 hours and our lives are going to change so drastically.

This is the day that the Lord has made...

On the drive over and as we made our way to the entrance of the Thomas Center,

I was a bundle of contradictions. Feeling nervous and at peace.

Feeling ready and completely unprepared.

We stepped inside and our translator explained that we were Bonsa's parents.

I heard footsteps on the stairs, and a nanny appeared, holding him.

She placed him in Doug's arms and gave me a bouquet of flowers.

Shortly afterward, we walked back out the door - a family of three.

Let us rejoice and be glad in it!

My heart is so full.

When I watch Doug holding Bo.

When I listen to Bo's snorty little breathing.

When I gaze at his round tummy... his gorgeous lashes...

touch his soft skin... hear his amazing laugh -

my heart feels like bursting. 

Like it's just too big and full of love to be contained in my chest.

To be honest - every time I look in the mirror, I'm a little surprised to see me.

I feel so different.

This is the day that the Lord has made...

Many times I lose sight of the amazing hand of God in the formation of our family.

I get caught up in the details of daily life.

I think it's our tendency as temporal creatures in flawed relationships.

We forget the enrapturing emotions that once enveloped our every step. 

The way our hearts quickened at the sight of our beloved.

The awe of first beholding a baby that emerged from our bodies.

And the overwhelming joy of holding a little boy that God has led you to from around the world.

Let us rejoice and be glad in it!

Today, as I reflect on our journey of becoming a family,

I'm reminded that every single day is the day that the Lord has made.

And I pray that these days of remembrance become far more frequent 

as we praise Him for His faithfulness to us even amidst the daily details.

Father God, be glorified in and through our family.

May we be a testament to your grace and love.

Thank you for uniting us. Thank you for creating family.

Thank you for this sweet angel boy asleep beside me.

Thank you for my amazing, strong and patient husband.

Draw us ever closer to one another. Be the foundation of our family.

Draw us to you and help us desire the things of your heart.

God, I praise you for your goodness and faithfulness.

And Lord, a very selfish request...

please, please no poop geysers on the plane.

Happy 3 year Family Day, Bonsa Boy.

your first day

Dear Bonsa,

Monday morning was your first day of nursery school. 

You've gone to Sunday School and "class" at the Bible study I attend, 

but something just seems so much more official about this. 

Maybe it's because it was the first time I've dropped you off with people I don't know 

and haven't stayed within a comfortable range in the same building.

 
 Sidenote: It is so hard to get a picture of you these days that isn't blurry. You're always moving & delighting in being silly.

You were so, SO excited about going to class. We went on a little tour last week, 

and when it was time to leave... well, let's just say you have had easier transitions. 

When we got home, we made a sticker countdown of the days left until you got to go back. 

The night before you started nursery school, your dad reminded me to take pictures. 

I laughed because, me? Forget pictures? But then he said, 

"I know he'll have first days of school every year, but this is the real first day of all those others." 

I tried to keep that in mind when I woke up the next morning. 

I wanted your first day of school to be memorable. 

We had set out your outfit the night before and made sure your little backpack was all set. 

I made a healthy egg breakfast for you. But somehow, in the mix of life with a toddler and an infant,

 the clock seemed to be working against us, and we ended up needing to rush. I got impatient and you cried.

We made it out the door and got to your school on time. Early, even. 

We walked in there together and my heart was pounding. 

Did the other moms know how inadequate I felt? How unprepared for this I was? 

How I was just pretending to know how this all works? 

We ventured down the hall and I met your two teachers. 

They showed you to your cubby and we hung up your coat and backpack. 

Then, you raced off to your classroom before I even had the chance to hug or smooch you goodbye. 

I watched your precious curls bouncing around the classroom and debated briefly calling you back 

to me for a hug... or just grabbing you and making you come home with me and play and stay little forever. 

But I smiled at the teacher, said, "Thank you - see you in a bit!" and turned around. 

I'm proud to say I made it to the car before the tears fell. 

Part of my emotion was because the morning hadn't gone as smoothly as I had hoped.

I didn't want to yell and make you cry on your first morning of school.

And part of the emotion was due to what this day signified - 

the beginning of your days in school away from me. 

The realization that there are now parts of your day to which I am not privy. 

Experiences that I will share only as you tell me about them. 

And part of my mama heart is jealous for all those moments. 

But I know this is the start of something that will be so good for you. 

Meeting new people. Making new friends. 

Learning how to operate in group settings. Learning to obey other adults.

And when I see your excitement about this process, it makes me excited for you. 

As sad as it is to realize how quickly you're growing up, it's amazing to watch. 

You're trying to figure life out. You have a big heart and big emotions.

You're independent and strong-willed and awesome.

I'm so grateful that the Lord has entrusted your sweet life to me and your daddy.
We are so proud of you and look forward to walking through this next chapter with you.

I love you forever,

your mama

she's here!

Willa Joy

arrived Tues., October 21, 2014 at 4:56pm

7lb 1oz, 22in

I'm not going to share a full "birth story", as I think details about "mucous plugs" and "tearing" 

are not suitable for mixed company or the Internet in general, 

excepting places like Babycenter or WebMD. 

Anyway. An abbreviated version to appease the masses 

(and by "masses", I do mean the one or two people who still read this blog). 

On Monday night, I had been perusing Babycenter for signs that labor is starting, 

and I was beginning to feel a little frustrated because none of them were happening to me. 

Tuesday was my due date and I had been secretly hoping I'd go early, 

even though I was planning on going late. 

Tuesday morning, Zooey woke me up barking around 4:30.

I jumped out of bed - or rather, rolled out, like a beached whale might try to roll back to the ocean. 

Normally, I would make Doug go scold Zooey, but Bo had woken up in the middle of the night, 

and in the process of getting him back to sleep, Doug had fallen asleep with him. 

Anyway. Abbreviated version!! 

So, I'm lumbering out of bed and I feel what seems to be a bad period cramp. 

Sorry, that's as graphic as it's going to get. Maybe. 

I'd been feeling a lot of "low pressure" for about a week, so I didn't really think anything of it. 

I told Zooey to be quiet, went back upstairs & fell back asleep. 

Only to wake up a little later because of another cramp. And then another. 

After about 4 or 5, I thought, "I wonder if these... Could they be... No, surely this isn't... 

Maybe I should time these, just in case." They were about 10 minutes apart. 

By this time, it was about 5:45am, and I wasn't going back to sleep. So, I got up and showered. 

Doug woke up and walked in the bathroom and asked, "Are you having contractions?" 

And I said, "I think so." 

Abbreviated version!! 

I called my parents and Dad came to pick up Bo and Zooey. 

Doug & I left for the hospital around 8:30am - aka, just in time to maneuver rush hour traffic. 

It was raining. I don't really remember the drive because I was kneeling, 

backwards, with my face buried in a pillow in the passenger seat. 

We arrived at the hospital, I got out of the car and threw up. 

Sorry. That's as graphic as it's going to get. Maybe. 

Thankfully, I had a feeling I might get sick and had brought along a bag. 

I proceeded to throw up again, waiting for the elevator. 

Our doula, Julie, showed up at this moment and just came over and hugged me while I barfed. 

I got done, laughed and said, "Hi!" 

We managed to all get inside and to triage without me barfing again. 

Hey pregnant friends - 

has anyone ever explained how a doctor or midwife checks to see how dilated you are? 

Because somehow, despite our expensive birthing classes, 

no one ever really told me how excruciating this little detail is. 

So much so that, after being "checked for dilation", 

being told I was "3 centimeters - we are having this baby today!" - 

I proceeded to throw up again. 

Abbreviated version! Things progressed far more quickly than I anticipated. 

The contractions were coming fast & furious and I was throwing up quite a bit. 

My midwife, Jo, was concerned that I wasn't keeping any fluids down, so I got an IV. 

Now, it had been my hope & desire to have a natural birth. 

My mom delivered all 5 of us kids without pain meds, and I wanted to do the same. 

We took Bradley classes, I had practiced some labor positions & relaxation techniques... 

but then those contractions started coming one after the other 

and I was throwing up before I was even done with one... 

friends, family, frenemies - I got an epidural. 

And I am not at all disappointed in that decision. 

It allowed me to get some rest and regain some strength before trying to push a human out of me. 

Sorry, that's as graphic as it gets. I think. 

By 1pm, I was told that I was fully dilated and I could push, 

which might be simultaneously the most exciting and horrifying thing someone can say to a person.

 By 4pm, Jo told me that she was a little concerned because the baby's heart rate kept plummeting

 when I would push, and we'd have to "breath through" contractions so the baby could recover. 

I am so thankful that she told me as soon as she had any inclination that we might need an

 intervention. Around 4:30, we decided to bring in the on-call doctor to discuss forceps or vacuum

 delivery. As it turned out, the baby's head was tilted, which was the cause of our problems. 

The doctor recommended forceps, and we quickly consented. 

After that, it was one big push and people were telling me excitedly to open my eyes 

because suddenly THERE SHE WAS. And it was a SHE! 

And Doug was saying, "It's a girl!" 

And just like that, we had a daughter!

Willa Joy. 

Was it my "ideal birth"? No. 

In my ideal birth, Leslie Knope is my midwife 

and all the nurses are those cute singing birds from Cinderella. 

Julie is still my doula and still brings me the most amazing cupcakes in existence afterward. 

There is zero pain, we are all eating waffles and sharing jokes, 

and at one point I just laugh too hard and - boop! - there's Willa! 

Also, she is born potty-trained and Bo is instantly potty-trained as well. 

And surprise, we've been in Hawaii the whole time 

and the next day we all go to the beach and build sand castles. 

But I digress. 

No, it wasn't my ideal birth, but my daughter is safe and healthy and I'm safe and healing. 

Everyone who was there was awesome. The midwife, Julie, the nurses, the anesthesiologist, the 

doctor, and most of all, Doug - everyone was so encouraging and attentive and supportive. 

And during our stay afterward - let me just say, God bless good nurses! 

Heidi at Highland, you are my hero. 

The post-partum process has been harder and more wonderful than I imagined. 

My hormones are ca-ray-zay and have made me cry about... pretty much everything. 

How beautiful my little girl is. How tender Bo is toward her. 

How Bo's attention-seeking often results in frustrating tantrums. 

How lucky I am to be married to Doug. 

How in love I am with my children.

Et cetera. 

I am so thankful and humbled by our family & friends who have been supporting us. 

I haven't had to cook a single meal yet. 

We have hand-me-downs to last Willa until she's 3 months old. 

People have gotten gifts for Bo so he doesn't feel left out. 

Cousins have invited Bo over to play for the afternoon. 

Friends have sent encouraging text messages. 

And I want to say a huge thank you to everyone for the beautiful messages and congratulations. 

I feel so blessed and so loved (darn you, post-partum hormones... I will NOT cry). 

SO - from the bottom of my heart, thank you, thank you, thank you.

three!

Our little bean is three years old!

Your life is a testimony to God's mercy & might, our little man.
We are so proud of you, and we love you so much, Bonsa Douglas!

remembrance leads us to worship

2 years ago today, we became a family of three.

Each year until Bo is 18, we have to send a post-placement report to our adoption agency.

It's an awesome opportunity to reflect on all that has happened the past year,

and all that has happened since we welcomed Bo into our family.

The ways we've grown.

The ways he has shaped us.

The lessons we've learned.

The memories we've made.

The other day, I was listening to a Spotify playlist, and Matt Redmond's song "Remembrance" came on.

The lyrics are really beautiful, and there's one line that says:

"Lord, we remember You, and remembrance leads us to worship."

And that's how I feel every time I reflect on our adoption process and Bo's life.

When I think about how God led us to Bo and made him a part of US...

I'm overwhelmed by His faithfulness and goodness.

Happy 2-year Family Day, Bo.

We love you so much.

bo's big boy room

Our decision to transition Bo to a "big boy room" was based on two factors:

(1) We found out we were expecting another child and 

(2) Bo found out he could climb out of his crib.

We decided to keep the nursery in the same room and move Bo to a new room.

The room we selected was our um... "workout room" -

or more realistically, the storage room for my elliptical and our catch-all room.

We were very pleasantly surprised to discover that the hockey wallpaper border peeled right off.

No need for vinegar water and a paint scraper! 

Because our house is so old, the floors angle toward the center of the house.

We decided to have them leveled, but figured it'd be easier to paint the walls first.

We LOVED the work that Mark Miller of Brush and Hammer did on our kitchen,

so we decided to hire him to paint Bo's room (and the nursery too).

For the floors, we hired my cousin, Mike, who I'm convinced can do pretty much anything.

(I mean - just check out his handmade wooden goods here!)

Mike worked by himself and spent a whopping total of 5 days transforming the wonky, slanted floor:

into this glorious marvel:

Oh, did I mention he put in a new closet door and installed overhead lighting in 3 rooms as well?

After all the hard work was done, I got to do the fun part - decorating!

I found this great dresser at "The Barn" on Ridge Road:

I borrowed my dad's electric sander, and between Doug, his brother Nic, and me,

we sanded it down and left it with a nice, rustic look.

So finally I give you, Bo's Big Boy Room!

(And, because I like to pretend I'm part of Apartment Therapy, I'm listing some sources!)

Flooring: Lumber Liquidators

Rug: in the house when we bought it

Curtains: I made with gingham fabric from fabric.com 

Dresser: The Barn on Ridge Road

Lamp: Pottery Barn Kids

Bed: Craigslist SCORE.

Bedside... Ottoman?: Meijer, for Bo's first nursery

Bedding: Target

Elephant Pillow fabric: fabric.com

Denim Pillow slipcover: Ikea

Chest: roadside find from my mother-in-law. 

I had covered the cushion with elephant fabric for Bo's first nursery,

then upgraded it by covering it with an old coffee bag I found on Etsy!

Addis Ababa skyline print: Etsy

Ethiopian bread basket: Etsy

We didn't really have a "theme" in mind for Bo's room.
We decided to go with gray walls again and keep the blue & orange accents  -
let's be honest, because they're Tigers' colors.
Our other ideas were to incorporate some Ethiopian items and give the room a "rustic" feel.

 Now, as with most house projects, you're never really DONE.
Things I'd still like to do:
- Paint or stain closet door
- Steal old school desk from my parents for the empty corner
- Put up industrial shelving above Bo's bed
- Get a different bedside table

All that being said, we love Bo's room, and most importantly - HE loves it!
He was so excited when he first saw his "big boy bed" that he was jumping on it like a madman.
Whenever someone comes to visit, he's always excited to show them HIS room.

A huge thank you to Mark Miller and Mike McGrath for their help!
& thank you, Nic, for letting me put you to work while you were visiting!

fruit of the spirit?

Some of my most frequently played tunes in the car are by All Sons & Daughters. 

I especially love their song "I Am Set Free", which starts:
"You broke my chains of sin and shame and covered me in grace..."
I just love that picture, and Bo has gotten to know the song because of my repetition.

Yesterday afternoon we were in the car together and I was just staying quiet, 

enjoying hearing my little boy sing praise songs. 

Then "I Am Set Free" came on. 

I listened as Bo sang along:
"You broke my chains of sin and shame and covered me in grapes."