this is the day that the lord has made

Three years ago today, I woke up with the Ethiopian sun.

It was hazy and gray - the type of morning that points to a day of sunshine and heat.

I lay under the blankets, butterflies dancing in my stomach, and smiled.

This is the day that the Lord has made...

  This was the morning we were to pick up our son.

64 days after first holding him in our arms...

Thousands of miles of ocean finally evaporated between us...

Reams of paperwork finally in order...

And now, only a few hours and a short car ride separated us.

Let us rejoice and be glad in it!

An excerpt from my journal from that morning:

My brain cannot comprehend that we are picking up Bo today - for good!

I mean, I understand that it's happening, but it doesn't seem real.

I have been waiting for this day for so long.

I think I keep expecting the worst, in my heart of hearts.

We've been cautioned and have heard so many stories of bad scenarios...

I think all of that is currently assailing me.

I know that God is in control. Father, calm my heart.

3 hours. 3 hours and our lives are going to change so drastically.

This is the day that the Lord has made...

On the drive over and as we made our way to the entrance of the Thomas Center,

I was a bundle of contradictions. Feeling nervous and at peace.

Feeling ready and completely unprepared.

We stepped inside and our translator explained that we were Bonsa's parents.

I heard footsteps on the stairs, and a nanny appeared, holding him.

She placed him in Doug's arms and gave me a bouquet of flowers.

Shortly afterward, we walked back out the door - a family of three.

Let us rejoice and be glad in it!

My heart is so full.

When I watch Doug holding Bo.

When I listen to Bo's snorty little breathing.

When I gaze at his round tummy... his gorgeous lashes...

touch his soft skin... hear his amazing laugh -

my heart feels like bursting. 

Like it's just too big and full of love to be contained in my chest.

To be honest - every time I look in the mirror, I'm a little surprised to see me.

I feel so different.

This is the day that the Lord has made...

Many times I lose sight of the amazing hand of God in the formation of our family.

I get caught up in the details of daily life.

I think it's our tendency as temporal creatures in flawed relationships.

We forget the enrapturing emotions that once enveloped our every step. 

The way our hearts quickened at the sight of our beloved.

The awe of first beholding a baby that emerged from our bodies.

And the overwhelming joy of holding a little boy that God has led you to from around the world.

Let us rejoice and be glad in it!

Today, as I reflect on our journey of becoming a family,

I'm reminded that every single day is the day that the Lord has made.

And I pray that these days of remembrance become far more frequent 

as we praise Him for His faithfulness to us even amidst the daily details.

Father God, be glorified in and through our family.

May we be a testament to your grace and love.

Thank you for uniting us. Thank you for creating family.

Thank you for this sweet angel boy asleep beside me.

Thank you for my amazing, strong and patient husband.

Draw us ever closer to one another. Be the foundation of our family.

Draw us to you and help us desire the things of your heart.

God, I praise you for your goodness and faithfulness.

And Lord, a very selfish request...

please, please no poop geysers on the plane.

Happy 3 year Family Day, Bonsa Boy.

if we had coffee

Once upon a time I did a post like this.

I had debated doing another "Recently I'm..." post,

but decided my thoughts were better suited to a chat over a warm drink.

SO. If we had coffee...

... I'd be drinking my new typical morning creation.

Salted caramel hot chocolate with a shot of instant espresso.

... I'd be wearing the basic, stereotypical mom uniform:
oversized shirt + yoga pants + sloppy ponytail.
Maybe some eyeliner and mascara, if I'm feeling super fancy.

... I'd start the conversation with some trivial tidbits.
Like, how I shouldn't be drinking this "mocha" because my baby weight is going nowhere fast.
Or how I'm excited because we are getting a piano!
And I'd probably ask your opinion about how to rearrange the family room.

... I'd probably have to interrupt our conversation to nurse Willa.
Which would inevitably lead to annoying mom stories about her.
Like how she's growing like a weed. And how she's rolling over.
And eating some solids. And did I mention how fast she's growing?
I might get teary at this point.

... And I'd tell more annoying mom stories about Bo.
About how proud I am of how well he's doing in preschool and how good it is for him.
And I'd go on and on about all the funny things he says.
Like, "Mommy, I will take you to Bisney World someday."
Or, "When Willa is bigger, I will teach her to go to the zoo."

... And I'd probably also share about how I struggle as a wife & mom.
And feel like most days I get it so wrong.
About how overwhelmed I've felt by my emotions the past few months.
How, when I'm nursing Willa, sometimes I'll cry for my son who never had that opportunity.
Or how, when I'm watching Bo play, I'll think about the hard conversations ahead of us.
How sometimes I feel panicky thinking about my children as teenagers.
Wanting to protect them and their precious hearts.
And I'd probably be teary at this point as well.
Because even with all my worries and struggles,
I am loving every moment of this life God has blessed me with.

... I'd go on to say how grateful I am for His grace.
And how I feel like He's led me so gently during this season.
And then I'd get teary again, wanting to extend that same patience to my family.
And I'd explain how thankful I am to have a Savior I can trust through everything.

... And of course, I'd still have to yell at my dog for barking.
Because she still barks at everything.
I'd probably pretend to hate her in front of you,
but when no one is watching, I slip her treats and pet her head and talk silly to her.

... I'd ask you questions about your life.
They'd probably be on the verge of too intrusive,
but I'd give you the option of just telling me to shut up and mind my own business.
You wouldn't, and you'd answer my nosy questions anyway.

... Then I'd realize it's almost time for me to go pick up Bo from school.
So we'd hug and say we need to do this more often,
even though we both know, like these blog posts, it will be awhile.
But it's okay, because this is the season of life we are in,
and we know that a lack of frequent, carefree coffee dates doesn't diminish our friendship,
but makes those times all the more cherished.

Til next time...

pregnancy, motherhood & womanhood

Judging by my blog, it may not seem like I'm overly excited about this pregnancy.

When we were waiting to bring Bo home, I couldn't shut up about my anticipation.

I posted pictures of his room, any photos we received in weekly updates, etc etc.

And all I've written about this new baby is how many times I threw up and speculation about the gender.

Part of that is due to my shifting thoughts and increasing ambivalence toward blogging.

Part is due to my realization that no one cares what I'm craving or how much weight I've gained.

Well. Certain family members might be interested in that last part.

The largest part, however, is what I've learned from being an adoptive mom

and what I've learned from friends and family.

First of all, I've been surprised by how intertwined this pregnancy and our adoption are in my mind.

When I feel the baby kick, it's exciting and weird and wonderful.

But I also wonder about Bonsa's birth mother. And how his kicks felt to her.

When I was hanging over the toilet bowl, I wondered if his growth caused her nausea.

I don't feel like I missed out on experiencing all of that with Bo - 

his story and our journey to him have taught me so much that I'd have missed out on otherwise.

Second, when we were in the adoption process, we didn't know whether or not 

we'd be able to have biological children.

We'd been "trying" for about a year with no success before we sent in our adoption application.

Then, after we brought Bo home, we decided to just "see what happens"...

and nothing happened for over a year. 

I know what it's like to sit on a bathroom floor with a negative pregnancy test

and curse my body, curse God and curse pregnant women.

I know what it's like to visit the doctor and stare at a black space

where so many other sonograms have a teeny little bean growing.

I've read multiple blogs and heard countless stories about women who claim

that they've never felt like a true woman until after going through the birthing process.

They've never felt stronger or more beautiful or prouder of their bodies or what have you.

I have beautiful friends who long to be married.

Sweet friends who have been through excruciating miscarriages.

Wonderful friends who are currently battling the struggle of infertility.

I think - especially within the Christian culture - there is such a high emphasis placed on reproduction.

When I was resigning from my job teaching, I was explaining to my former [male] boss

that we were getting ready to bring our son home and I was going to stay home with him.

And he told me, "Good for you! That is the most important thing a woman can do."

What? 

I mean - don't get me wrong. I do believe a woman's first priority should be her family.

But THE most important thing a woman can do?

What about my friends who are unmarried? 

What about my friends who are unable to have children?

Are they carrying about lesser business than a mom?

Does God care less about the work they are doing than wives and mothers?

My ability to procreate doesn't elevate my importance.

My womanhood isn't determined by my ability to push a human out of my body without painkillers.

My femininity isn't found because of my marriage.

I am created in the image of God.

My identity is rooted in Christ alone.

Yes, the other details of my life shape me - 

but the determining factor is always Christ.

Whew. Unintentional soapbox there.
All that being said - yes, I am SO excited about being pregnant 

and welcoming another Parton to our little pack!

mother's day, pt. 2

Dear Bo,

You are a joy and a delight, and I love you so much.

I like to say that to you a lot, because I feel like many times, my actions don't communicate that to you.

 

This past year, you've taught me a lot about patience.

And I didn't want to learn the way you forced me to.

In other words, I never really wanted to practice being patient.

I like the idea and image of it in my mind, but the day-to-day living it out...

That's another story.

You are a strong-willed, opinionated little man.

I hope these traits transform over the years to create a young man with strong convictions

and determination to achieve great things.

You've made me see myself the way God must see me -

with a lot of frustration sometimes, but with far more love.

You've made me realize that I am completely inadequate.

That no one can parent simply by their own resolve and effort.

You've sent me deeper into the arms of Christ.

You've taught me about forgiveness.

How often you've said sorry to me, and I begrudgingly hug you while still angry...

But then, how many times have I apologized for yelling at you,

and you just smile at me and give me a kiss - all my mistakes washed away?

Lest you get the wrong idea, it's not all hard work and heartache.

Being your mom is the best thing I can imagine.

You are hilarious - and you know it! You love making your parents laugh.

I could just watch you and be entertained for hours.

Your smile and laugh bring such light to my days.

I am so grateful for you, sweet Bo.

Thank you for loving me, and thank you for making me a mom.

Love always,

Mommy

three is a magic number.

September 3, 2012 - Our sweet boy was put in our arms forever.

And life since that moment has been sweeter and harder than I could ever imagine.

I've talked to several girl friends & mentioned that it seems like Bo has always been with us.

Which isn't to say I can't remember life before him. The fun of carefree marriage, just the 2 of us.

But I just had no idea the immense joy that a tiny bean could bring to our life.

Yes. There are hard moments. Times when I wonder how that same sweet bean could be 

so incredibly aggravating. Times I am so disappointed in myself for my lack of patience.

My lack of compassion. My lack of understanding. My failures as a parent.

These past 2 weeks especially have felt tedious, to be totally honest.

I just read Jen Hatmaker's blog today and read this quote:

"We are not capable of healing our kids' bodies and hearts and minds, but Jesus is.

We can trust him with our little families, because He is a good God and He is ever for us."

That's a lesson I've been learning lately. The beauty of the Gospel.

How I need to remind myself daily of its truths. 

I will never be a perfect mother. 

Our family will never be perfect. 

But we have a perfect Savior.

And there's nothing more beautiful than that.

And I have been given such an amazing gift in my husband and my son.

And I just praise God for them.

For the tiny moments of each day.

The triumphs. The trials.

The quiet. The chaos.

My precious, naughty, sweet, stubborn, remarkable boy.

And our family of three for one year.

momentary miracles

Subtitle: How I Was Reduced To Tears By Peas

This past week has been a trial for me. 

I sprained my ankle [maybe a story for another time] and was on crutches for a few days,

and now I'm in the process of weaning myself off of them.

Which is painful. And difficult with a very active and tantrum-prone toddler.

Said toddler has also been finicky with food for a few months.

He will love certain foods and then spurn them the next day.

One night he couldn't get enough cooked carrots.

The next time we had them, I offered him one, which naturally sent him into a screaming fit.

Fruit in its natural form? Heck no.

Raw veggies? Get away.

We were in the garden the other day, and I offered him some peas

and he promptly flailed on the ground yelling and crying.

This morning Bo woke up at 6:15am. 

Almost two hours earlier than normal.

Which means we're in for a cranky morning.

Which means I get discouraged by how impatient I am.

Sure enough, mid-morning and it's muggy and raining and Bo is sweating and angry.

After unsuccessful attempts to read, play with his basketball, play with Legos, etc, etc...

I scooped him up and plopped him in front of the fan in his room.

We sat quietly, my heart racing, jaw clenched, beseeching the Lord for peace.

After a few moments, Bo got up and toddled away toward the screened porch.

I watched his little legs and bare back and thought about a year ago.

Days away from boarding a plane to meet this unknown baby boy.

I grabbed my camera and followed him to the porch. 

Grandma had left some pea pods out there, and Bo wandered over to them.

He picked one up, and I showed him how to open it.

 I popped a pea into my mouth as Bo watched.

And without any prompting, I watched as he followed suit.

 And then he crawled up on my lap.

Sticky hands. The ever-present drool. Bits of pea stuck here & there.

Momentary miracles in the middle of the ordinary and even frustrating.

Tiny pictures of God's grace and reminders that I am blessed beyond measure.

a clean bill

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more 

than all we ask or imagine,

to Him be glory in Christ Jesus

throughout all generations, forever and ever! 

Amen!

~Ephesians 3:20

My dad's 3-month post-treatment scans came back clear of all cancer.

We know that God is good regardless of the outcome,

but we sure are rejoicing today.

Dad goes back in 3 months for his next check-up.

Thank you for your continued prayers & love.

color our world

Our church is hosting their annual women's event on

Friday, April 19th.

I'm so excited about this, because all the proceeds go to World Orphans 

- the children in Ethiopia & Kenya that we partner with.

Not only is the event for a great cause, but it's going to be a ton of fun!

There's going to be an amazing dinner catered by Jeff Zak

(he's amazing - if you're having an event in metro-Detroit, go with him).

Our speaker is Julie Gumm - she adopted two children from Ethiopia

and wrote the book Adopt Without Debt. 

AND.

What would a women's event be without shopping?

We are going to have an amazing boutique full of home decor and accessories.

I've already been drooling over some of the samples that we've seen at our planning meetings.

So go register now! 

It's going to be an awesome evening.